Saturday, March 11, 2017

Ugh

.... It's been a tough few weeks. Not really sure where to start this entry. 

(I will be punctuating this post with pretty pictures of Victorian flowers to bring a bit of light to what is going to be a bit of a depressing post)

I suppose I shall start a few weeks ago when I was at the doctors and told I have an autoimmune condition, which is why my thyroid and other levels have been so out of whack. Of course the doctor didn't really tell me anything else (what type of autoimmune condition, what I should or shouldn't be doing/eating/etc, any possible treatments, what the hell is going on...), and he only told me that much because I asked ("Why are my levels so high?" "Hmm? Oh, you have an autoimmune condition"). I should have asked more questions, but at that point I was so stressed I was starting to get dizzy. So I got out of there as quickly as I could, but still managed to almost pass out in the reception area while making my next appointment (if there hadn't of been a chair there I would have been on the floor). I've now been on edge for almost two months waiting for my next appointment. I need answers but am scared about getting so stressed again. I've never had a fainting spell like that before and it scared the living daylights out of me. I think I need to find a new endocrinologist. I've been going there 2 years and feel like the only thing I've gained from the appointments is a hell of a lot of stress.


I've also been sick, grumpy, and bored over those last 2 months. I'm finally starting to feel a bit better though and have even been doing some sewing! I'm putting together a bunch of new "spring" items for my Etsy shop and hope to be able to post them in the next couple weeks. I may also film a short little promo for them and post on my youtube channel.


Speaking of which, people on the internet are mean. I've actually had to shut down the comments on one of my videos because it was causing me so much stress. I prefer to deal with inappropriate comments directly but it was having a negative impact on my health. The chemicals released during stress are supposed to worsen autoimmune conditions, so I've been trying to avoid anything that could trigger that stress response (I've even stopped watching some tv shows I really like because they triggered a stress response). Which meant I was forced to shut down the comments section of my pomade video after receiving one too many comments such as "how about you show us your tits", "she's hot for a chunky girl", "your pomade is crap. I haven't tried this recipe, but I tried another and it didn't work", "shut up chubs", "i like her booobs" (typo was included), and so forth. (There were some much worse ones, but they got removed and I don't remember them clearly enough to rewrite them here). The video was about hair pomade, and most of these comments have literally nothing to do with the video or recipe I shared. It takes a lot of work to make a well researched video, and to have this crap spewed all over it is incredibly frustrating. 

I don't actually get personally offended by the content of any of these comments. I get offended by the intent behind them which is either to sexually objectively me or other malicious intent such as trying to make me feel insecure/worthless. I hate that women still have to deal with this crap all the time and that these people (ok let's be honest, it's mostly guys) don't see anything wrong with these comments. When I call  them out on their bad behavior, I'm told to "calm down and take it as a compliment" despite the fact it obviously wasn't intended as one. They also usually turn to worse insults when I explain to them their comments are inappropriate and not appreciated. And I shouldn't even have to. This is not that highly viewed of a video and it's about Edwardian hair pomade for goodness sake! Not exactly controversial. I have so much sympathy for women who are trying to say something more important, as I know they are met with far worse then this. 

Computers allow both the commentor to be anonymous and for the receiver to have to deal with this filth from within their homes. Getting a comment like that while sitting in your bedroom feels somehow violating, like this person has invaded your personal sanctuary and there's nothing you can do about it and no where you can go. The whole thing (especially when combined with all the other terrible stuff going on in the world right now) has left me terribly sad for humanity at large. I had plans to try some men's vintage product recipes on my channel (mustache wax, a different pomade just for men, mens colonge, etc), but I'm holding off for now. 


After that rant, I feel the need to say most people who leave comments on my other videos are not like this. My actual subscribers are lovely people and leave such sweet comments. I love conversing with viewers and other youtubers, and most of the time the conversations are kind, helpful, informative, and enjoyable. It's just there's few bad eggs out there that seem to scream that loudest and which try to ruin it for the rest of us. I'm going to continue with my video making regardless of what anyone says, because I enjoy it. If I need to block comments for a while on a few specific videos, then that's what I will do so I can continue to share my work with those who actually appreciate it.


To end on a happier note, my wrists/hands have been feeling a lot better of late. I bought a TENS machine and it's actually helped quite a bit. The pain isn't gone, but I am able to use my hands for things like reading and knitting again! I'm actually almost done a new 3-hour sweater  with some interesting modifications and can't wait to do an outfit post in a couple weeks (when the weather gets warmer and I can do outside photos again!).  

I hope everyone else is doing ok. Sorry if this post was a little darker then my normal stuff, but I just couldn't go back to fluffy fashion posts without having a bit of a vent first. Don't worry, overall I'm doing ok and plan on getting back to doing a lot of things I enjoy now that I'm feeling a bit better. Fingers crossed for sunny days ahead!

That's All.

12 comments:

  1. I am so so sorry about those comments

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    1. Thanks. I'm feeling better about it since shutting down the comments, but the whole thing has been terribly frustrating.

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  2. These types of comments makes me so angry! It's incredible that people have it in them to behave this way. In Norway one of the TV channels made a documentary where they researched the identity of internet trolls and confronted them with the people they'd been heckling. Some of them seemed remorseful, others not so much. I'm glad your hands are getting better, and I hope you'll find a doctor which can get you some useful information about your autoimmune condition.

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    1. That sounds like such an interesting documentary! I'm always surprised when the guys that leave comments try to argue they are behaving perfectly fine and that I'm just being overly sensitive. The guy that called me "hot for a chunky girl" thought that there was nothing even remotely offensive about that comment just because he didn't call me "fat and ugly". Yes, because "chunky" is such a sweet and non-derogatory term...

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  3. It can get better! Maybe not the YouTube comments, ugh, but I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition a few years ago and went around suffering for a few years before that. Once you learn more, there are medications, there are support groups, and yes, cutting out stress is huge! There are lots of things you can do to feel in control when your body decides to do its own thing. I know not everyone wants such positivity so I'll just leave it at: you're not alone and you can feel better in time. xx

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    1. Thanks for your hopeful comment. I'm trying my best to be positive about the whole thing, and once I figure out what is going on I think I will feel a lot better. Not knowing is one of the worst things right now, so hopefully once I have more knowledge I can start taking back some of that control :)

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  4. I'm really shocked at the horrible comments you've received. What kind of person wastes their life insulting strangers for no reason? Pathetic. I hope knowing that others really do appreciate your hard work, creativity, and sense of style will help you recover from the hurt. Hope you have better luck with your doctor too. It's very frustrating when they don't explain things, and even when they do, I struggle to remember everything, due to 'brain fog'. I take a notebook with my questions written down ready, but it doesn't necessarily help with things that crop up during the appointment, when I struggle to think quickly. Maybe if your doctor knew how you were struggling he could give you info to read later? I know not all doctors are sympathetic. Good luck. Samantha x

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment. Yes, I can never understand why someone would actually spend their time typing nasty messages to random strangers. That seems like such a waste of time and effort! I'm feeling a lot better about the whole thing since I've shut down the comments, but it was a pretty upsetting experience.

      And a notebook is a great idea! I always tend to forget at least a question or two when I'm in there, so that would be very helpful :)

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  5. It's good to know your wrists are getting better. I'm sorry to hear your condition hasn't been fully talked through with you, and that's you've had to put up with horrible comments on your videos. I hope it all improves soon.

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  6. Hello Kate,

    I am so sorry to hear you have been having quite a difficult winter. Sadly, we live in a world where some people seem to get their kicks being mean, however, their comments always make them look like the fools in the end. By all means block your comment section. Your devoted fans will always understand. I have dealt with Panic Disorder all my life and for the past 15 years I am almost bed ridden from a chronic pain spinal condition, so I understand a lot about stress and health issues and doctors etc. I am a shy person, but I must tell you how I look so forward to your lovely videos. I am a bit timid about subscribing to YouTube and other social media sites. I hope you understand why I've never left a comment on your channel, but I am a faithful fan. Please do take care and focus on the people who really appreciate all your effort.. Wishing you kinder days ahead.
    Many Best Wishes, Pamela

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I do truly appreciate it. I also completely understand being uncomfortable leaving comments/subscribing (I tend to be terribly shy myself), and am glad to hear to you enjoy my videos. Thank you again :)

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